The Shadows We Know by Heart by Jennifer Park

Author:Jennifer Park
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon Pulse

chapter seventeen

By Wednesday of the next week, I’m quite certain I’m getting exactly what I deserve for being a jerk to the boy. He hasn’t come back.

“You’re acting a little less Leah this week.” Ashley pops a handful of Cheetos into her mouth and passes me the bag.

“I’m fine.”

“But see, here’s the thing. We’re sitting here, watching football practice for the third day in a row, something neither of us cares about, because Ben asked you to, and you don’t really seem excited about it.”

“Well, like you said, it’s football practice.”

“Yes, but you’re dating Ben Hanson and it’s like you don’t care.”

“What do you mean?” I shove some Cheetos in my mouth and try really hard to look like I don’t know what she’s talking about.

“Come on, Leah. You’ve got the thing you’ve always wanted, at least since we’ve been in high school, and you don’t seem happy about it. Ben is your boyfriend. You should be on cloud nine or something. Smile all the time. Or at least when he looks over here every five seconds. Coach has already yelled at him twice about it.”

“It’s just . . . different from how I imagined it.”

Ashley turns on the bleachers to face me. “What? Disappointed he’s not riding on a unicorn and surrounded by a choir of singing cherubs? Leah. He hangs all over you, drools when you speak, and can’t wipe that stupid, gorgeous grin off his face whenever he looks at you. What more could you ask for?”

“Nothing. Ben’s great. And you’re right, he is the perfect boyfriend.” I paste the happiest smile I can manage on my face, wanting nothing more than to tell my best friend what’s really wrong, knowing I can’t because a dark voice in the back of my mind taunts that she wouldn’t understand why I’ve kept it from her.

Ashley stares way too long. “Something’s wrong with you.”

“Nope.”

“I’m going to find out what it is.”

“No, you’re not, because there’s nothing wrong.”

“You’ve never been able to pull a lie past me so don’t start now.” A horn honks from the parking lot, pulling her attention away. “Mom’s here. I’ll call you tonight so we can finish this mind-numbing algebra homework.”

“See you later.” I wave, ignoring the knowing stare she gives me as she stomps down the bleachers in a short skirt, combat boots, and pigtails.

The algebra homework in my spiral is mostly Ashley’s work. I copied, and I don’t really care if I get the concept. I tell myself I’m overthinking this, and that he’s not mad at me or trying to punish me for being mean. I’ve punished myself enough. Especially since the forest has been silent since they left. No knocks, howls, screams, or any apples left at my window. Yesterday a herd of deer were eating the apples on the stump that I left over the weekend as a peace offering. It’s been years since that has happened.

He’s gone.

I pushed him away. Got too close. Went too far. The reasons go on, but the conclusion is the same.

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